realitybreakdown

I am right now floating around in a void. My future is very uncertain which is both equally frustrating and satisfactory. And how can something be equally frustrating and satisfactory you ask? 

Well, I am not bound to anything. My route is not set. Nothing is written in stone. In this sense I am free to do whatever I want. 
But at the same time I am free I am also a tad lost in this freedom. I cannot plan anything for my future, I can't think too much about it. If I do, it drives me crazy. All sorts of scenarios take place in my head. And in fear of everything ending up with disappointment I stop thinking about. I will just stay in this haze of happiness. 

 

But this is all bound together in a circle. I want to dream big, I dare to dream big. Even though I deep down have this fear of disappointment another voice tells me that I can't live in fear. I have to face life full on and deal with whatever disappointments may come. So I'll admit, I do have many hopes and dreams for the future. Most of them big, very big. 

 

I have been waiting for something special to happen for quite some time now and still my wait is not over. The people who know me also know that patience is not one of my strong points. So yes, I am itching to start this, to see where it all leads. But, distance makes the heart grow fonder someone very wise once told me. I am inclined to believe him. So for now all I can do is to dream and wait.